Episode Thirteen Survival Guide

We know what you're thinking.

"Surely you've covered everything worth knowing about crime!" we know you'll say, and we acknowledge your surprise at receiving this timely second episode on crime.

"I thought I had been well equipped to deal with a dishonest world but then you tell me Part Two is on its way," we contemplate you squealing, noticeably betrayed and elated at the same time. You're welcome.

"Another thirty minutes about baddies? Things are worse than I thought on this planet we call Earth," we anticipate you stating.

Well, here it is. Episode Thirteen, Part Two. Crime. Part Two of Episode Thirteen, about crime. Episode Crime, thirteen part. Two.

There are some bad people out there. People who steal chips, dig up bones and poo on your freshly washed car. But there are also some animals who do the same and it is these guys that Part Two focuses on.

Listen with awe as the boys in Abigail's Tearoom inform you of the terrors of shoplifting seagulls, gangland keas and CIA-trained cats.

Gasp in amazement when you learn of badgers' reign of terror over this land in which we live (Britain).

And weep with weeping as Jonty relives his bad ape experience.

That's not all. The boys then attempt to assemble their most awesome animal crime teams: three animals for the perfect heist. Which would you choose?

Spoiler alert! Pete goes down the Hollywood route for his team. Remember these?

Skippy

Flipper

Gentle Ben

Lassie

Mr. Ed

We'll be back in a couple of weeks when Pete gets us to dish out love advice. Thanks for your continued downloads and attention and that. Much love!

Hello all!!!

Welcome hello ya'all!

Thanks for reading our little blog - and this entry is... "dum dum dum" an apology!

We (I) have been a little tardy in getting Episode 9 out to you all, and we (I) should take responsibility for our (my) failings in publishing it so late...

Stay with us, we're amateurs, who are amateurish, we dreams of being less so.... nag us, we need it!

EarlJonty

Episode 6 Survival Guide

So, episode 6 eh?

This episode is a celebration of the world record being set for the most people applying sunscreen simultaneously (pretty exciting i'm sure you'll agree) check out the link.

This got us onto the subject of world records, ones we'd want (fastest person dragged behind a motorbike) ones we wouldn't want (most cockroaches in mouth) and ones we already have (amazingly no video is available for Jonty's 3 day Kim Jong Ill impression) and all this via the difference between midget and dwarf tossing, dogs opening car windows, worlds largest steak and a number of mentions of sickness.

Are aliens tempted to attack earth just for our large food?
Does Marky have a real record?
How do you ensure that your friends never want to play 'sardines' with you again?
How long is too long when it comes to keeping 1 inch metal nails in your skull?
How do cobras feel about being kissed and, worse, how do they feel about you kissing their friend?

All this important information, and much more, is covered in episode 6 - 'Sniffing Feet and Kissing Cobras'.

Please enjoy responsibly.

A non-survival guide blog

Hi everyone, hope you sipping a nice cuppa (trans: Cup of tea)!

Well yesterday was a mammoth day! Due to one of us being away for 2 weeks, we were determined to get 2 podcasts recorded in one day, a feat that last time we tried ended in the second cast being binned :(

It was also a exciting day because we'd taken the plunge and bought a new microphone, so instead of each of us on headphone mics, we know have one to share between us all. And it is from a great mic manufacturer, so we had/have high hopes for it, turned out they were proved right, such a rich full sound.

Why have we splashed on this new mic? Well I think we've all been startled by how many of you are downloading the podcast, and, this is the big one, sticking with us!!! And we think and hope we're getting better, we're new to this and learning as we go - and that's why we always bleat on about feedback. If you guys were a live audience we'd know what works and what doesn't, but as this medium can be so 'remote' we rely on email (studio@abigailstearoom.co.uk) twitter (@abigailstearoom) and facebook to keep us in touch with you, and to know what we're doing badly and what we're doing well.

Keep with us, we're all slightly driven to keep getting better... help us?

Anyway, I digress (a shock listeners, I know! 'winky smiley')..... As two of us had an hour before the others joined us, we decided to try and record a little into/jingle/song for a quiz (that hopefully will feature in Episode 7) using the new mic. So it ended up having a guitar track, a banjo track and a double bass track!!! Plus 2 vocals tracks! It's the first time one of us had written and sung on a song, so that was doubly exciting!!! Maybe we'll put it up as a separate download??? Not sure what you guys want (if anything) in terms of additional content, so let us know.

Bear with us as we get used to this new tech, like any new tool it can take a while to get the best from it.

I've also just taken some of the pre-show recording clips and thrown through Garageband to make a little 'cheesy-DJ' demo for Chris, hope you like it mate!

Anyway, must dash, email's are piling up....

And remember "If you're problem doesn't seem better after a 'cuppa', you've got the wrong problem"

EarlJonty

Episode Five Survival Guide

Good day to you, dedicated follower of pods!

Man, it feels good to be out of that cellar. Don't get me wrong, Markeejay was good company and all but it was the smell down there that really got to me. That musty, unloved smell of yesteryear that things once useful possess. Still, he's had a shower now and everything's OK again. Zing!

So Episode Five is released and it's me, Chris, hosting again. Hosting a podcast is not easy. There seems to be so much to remember and so much going on that I find my brain overheating regularly, which is why I would like to apologise for the baggy, rambling episode you may or may not have heard yet. My respect for radio DJs has increased dramatically since we've been doing this podcast.

This week we're discussing British phrases and sayings. Why? The beauty of podcasting is that it is a truly international medium and according to the stats from our hosts at Halcyon, Abigail's Tearoom has listeners from all over the world. It seemed only fair that we help the world understand English, starting with some of the bizarre sayings we use every day.

On a separate matter, there's talk that Abigail's Tearoom might release a mini episode between full episodes - watch this space. Also, new tech may be on the way too so the poor sound quality should be a thing of the past!

So enjoy the episode, sorry for the poor sound quality and may you achieve many wonderful things this week.

Much love! Chris.

Now some links that may or may not tie in with the episode...

Cockney Rhyming Slang

Expressions and Sayings

Episode four survival guide

Hello tea guzzlers

Hang on a sec, I'm just going to grab a handful of pistachios and a refreshing beverage... back now. Episode four has been given its lunch money and sent off into the wide world. Please be nice to it and don't give it a wedgie or anything.

We were discussing pop psychology this time. So do opposites attract as Paula Abdul would have us believe? Although maybe we shouldn't listen to anything she says as she's a bit strange. Pete also highlighted the oodles of self help books available, though the BBC think they're a bit rubs. And if you've ever thought letting your anger out Jonty has some advice for you, as does this Elephant.

We also discuss chatting up the moon, and quite frankly who wouldn't want a piece of that cheese, pommel horses ever so briefly, and whether free diving is a good way to relax. I'd choose a nice cup of tea and a sit down rather than this..

As always, thanks for listening. And if you have any subjects you'd like us to take on go ahead and get in touch.

Cheers now

The T-Shock (Marky)

World Cup Special Survival Guide

Well, it's episode 3 already, who'd have thought we'd come this far?

This is our world cup special so if you want to play along with the theme tune, you'll need to use one of these

The first round is our predictions round and we think you'll be pleasantly surprised by our inciteful punditry. If you know less than we do. Possibly.

When we come to the reasons that we back a team, Marky makes an unusual choice but one guaranteed to make it to the final. His faith in humanity however is soon to be damaged by this.

There are, of course, some people who don't like football and we haven't forgotten you either (although we may disagree with your life choices). What should you do with the time? To follow all of our practical suggestions, however, you will need this. Football fans, don't be surprised if you come out of a game to find the world looks post-apocalyptic. Or taller. Or both.

Anyway, enjoy the episode and look forward to part 2 of this World Cup Special next time.

Greetings tea sippers.

So how's things? We've been obsessively checking the stats, well I've been obsessively checking the stats. I think Jonty's going to take the keys to the internet away from me if I don't have some chill cake. But we have been taking note of our international listeners. We've had downloads from France, Russia, Norway, Taiwan, New Zealand, Switzerland and others. So for you tearoomies across the globe.. Gracias, Merci, Spasiba, Sukran, Takk, 多謝, Cheers mate, Þakka þér fyrir, Danke, Tapadh Leat, Grazie, Merci vilmal, and thanks awfully. We're glad to have you on board. Send us a tweet or an email sometime.

The T-shock.

Episode Two Survival Guide

"Hear ye, hear ye!"

That's how people from the Middle Ages spoke which, when translated, means "Hear you, hear you." It was a request to listen. We pass on the same request to you.

Episode Two of the Abigail's Tearoom podcast is available now and is all about the Middle Ages, the days of yore, yesteryear and back then. If you haven't listened to it yet then please do, either from our website or by subscribing on the iTunes store.

The episode begins with a challenge for Marky, Jont and Pete to spontaneously deliver an inspiring speech to a chosen demographic, like they do in every swords'n'sandals movie ever made. For an idea what I mean, check out this guy's hard work: 40 Inspirational Speeches.

We also discussed what items we'd take back to the Middle Ages to give us an edge over the locals. Without giving too much away, here are some of the suggestions put forward: item no.1, item no.2, and item no.3 (sort of).

As well as all this we chatted about past Kings and Queens of England and the bizarre names they were given. Take a look for yourself here.

That's about all I'm willing to tell you at the moment plus that's all I can remember so until we speak again, be good and look both ways before crossing (the road).

The next episode should be out on June 20th but check back for blog updates and keep your suggestions for our Specials Board and Shock & Awe Men's Products coming in to studio@abigailstearoom.co.uk

Thank you, bye!

Episode 2 in the Can, not yet in your ears

So..... we've done the momentous second episode, and had good fun doing it.

From a technical perspective, I think we've improved the sound quality enormously, and this should result in us needing to do less editing, which could mean a faster turn around, we'll see if that happens though.

Chris has certainly raised the bar with the theme, and going medieval 'on it' certainly gave us lots of scope to be...well....weird - territory we feel most comfortable in.

Thanks everyone for your support, downloads and feedback. We (some more than others) do excitedly look at the site's stats to see how many times the podcast has been downloaded, and it warms our blackened hearts to think that some of you may be smiling with us.

Spent sometime last night talking about merchandising and a live tour - hey we're nothing if not ambitious..!!

Keep drinking the tea everyone, be assured of our love...

EarlGrey

P.S. Check out the great new logos on our Facebook page, under photos - would you wear a t-shirt with one on? If so 'like' your favourite one!

Coming soon...

Good evening tea fans.

I'm in a state of deep concentration in preparation for the upcoming Abigail's Tearoom difficult second episode. Well, when I say concentrating, I mean eating way to many cheerios, surfing the WWW and watching Jack Bauer get super cross, as well as preparing for the podcast.

Being the mid wife for the inaugural episode was fun but a little nerve racking. Listening to ourselves was a bit odd, I say um a lot, but the response has been really nice. We passed the 100 downloads mark (we apparently have listeners in Russia and Taiwan!) which makes us happy. But we'd like to get intoxicated with power so keep downloading the episodes and tell, nay command your friends to do so.

So we hand the new born podcast, still quivering and covered in goop to Chris, who will be our host this evening. There's a Medieval theme, so we look forward to catching the black death and being worried about witches. Back to 24, the internets and eating cereal then. I really have eaten a lot so apologies if I'm a bit belchy.

Bye tea timers

The Episode One Survival Kit (continued)

I've had it pointed out to me from a listener that we forgot to make reference to the gold bar dispensing ATM. Well, here it is:

Going For Gold

Chris.

Your Episode One Survival Kit

Good day to you, loyal TeaPots!

If you haven't yet listened to the first episode of the Abigail's Tearoom podcast then you may appreciate the following links for things that we mention. Alternatively, if you have listened to the podcast and feel baffled and confused (you may have to just get used to that feeling) then the same links may make things clearer, allowing you to get on with your day with a clear head and conscience. Here you go...

The Oral-B Pulsar toothbrush

Those Michael Winner commercials

Go Compare (sorry)

Ameriquest (the ying to Go Compare's yang)

The Cadbury's Gorilla

and now, to relax, enjoy The Lavalamp Of The Skies (skip forward to 2:05 to avoid the reporter's preamble).

I think that's all you really need to know, now enjoy the show and keep your eyes and ears peeled for Episode Two!

Chris

Listing on iTunes

OK, I have to say here at the Tearoom we're very very excited. So excited that Chris nearly choked on a Iced Bun! (Fortunately Marky and Pete are highly trained Heli-vets....)

We're now listed on iTunes!!!!

OK, maybe it doesn't mean much, and maybe some will lambaste us for using propitiatory distribution system, but we're very excited. Thanks Apple for making 4 simple guys very happy!

EarlGrey

It begins....

Well, what an exciting evening. We gathered in an attic, we mourned over missing comrades, we laughed like fools, and then got stuck in.

Not believing in omens, but the tech behaved! And worked first time, and ran sweetly. Not that we are getting the most from it, but (and I do hate to say this) I think we'll call it 'good enough'. The tech is as good as we are, so guess we'll try to grow together.

Big task of editing this monster comes on Chris' shoulders (I wasn't allowed - after I littered the test ones with {funny} sound effects - I mean how can you mention volcano's WITHOUT having the sound of one in the background). So Chris, thanks!

Also we had 2 special guests, thanks for the support! Hopefully the upload will be available fairly soon..keep checking (and we'll soon have an RSS feed so your PC can check for you!)

EarlGrey

Welcome to the Abigail's Tearooms Blog

Hi there. Firstly, may we congratulate you on stumbling across these charming and derelict tearooms. Yes, the tearooms are run-down and in a state but we think you'll like it that way. Abigail's Tearooms is a podcast hosted by five down-on-their-luck gentlemen. There's Jonty, Ken, Pete, Marky and Chris. More about them later. None of these guys have any broadcasting experience so expect their podcasts to be as shambolic as the tearooms they are broadcast from.

Further info to follow.